I was 10. I had been through things no 10 year old, no adult for that matter, should ever have to face. I was crying. I felt broken and destroyed and lost.
But I knew what I had to do. There was never really any other choice. I wiped my tears, washed my face, fixed my hair back up. I put myself back together, all alone. I put on a brave face, and acted like nothing ever happened. I was changed, but still, I didn’t let what happened destroy everything. Not my hope and love and will to survive. No matter how hard I tried to change, become someone else, lose who I really was, I just couldn’t. And in the end, I made it out better and stronger then ever.
And now I’ll do just the same. I’ll wipe my tears and face the world head on and full force. I won’t let myself be changed, even in my weakest moments when I try so hard to force the change. I’ll throw myself into distractions and do anything it takes to keep me going. I’ll be strong. And I’ll survive, and make it out better then ever. Just like I did all those years ago.
| Posted 18 hours ago | 0 notes |
I don’t know why I fight so hard to keep my kindness alive. My hope. My heart and soul. My caring. My goodness. My love.
Life would be so much easier if I just let it die. If I just let it go, and gave it up, and let hatred and anger and loathing for people just consume me. I wouldn’t struggle the way I constantly do if I didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone. I would be indestructible. Because there would be nothing for me to care about losing.
| Posted 19 hours ago | 0 notes |
probably the best thing I’ve ever seen.
dear future wife I promise you will get something original like this
why is this the greatest thing. ever.
yup. i’m definitely pms’ing
tears everywhere. <3
| Posted 2 days ago · via mamadontplay | 52,643 notes |
I feel like I’m getting myself into too much for next year. Peer advising. Internship. And now a paid tutoring position? About 10 hours per week for the first two. Up to 20 hours for the tutoring. Add two academic classes on top of that. And studying and taking the GRE and applying to grad schools. I know I barely even have a social life, but I do want to be able to do stuff with the people I care about every now and then. And I do want some time to just lay down and veg out every now and then. If I take this extra position, will I still have time to breathe? Or will I just lose it and collapse under pressure?
I mean, I know I was thinking about getting a job already. And sure, taking this tutoring job, unlike some lame retail position, will be more flexible and probably will be less hours (which is a good thing for me, I’m not trying to feed a family just have extra pocket money for gas and food and stuff). And it will look much better on a grad school application. But that’s what makes me more nervous. With a retail job, if I fuck up, I’ll just quit and it won’t be that big of a deal because it’s not that important. But with this, it will be a bigger deal. And on top of it I’ll need a letter of recommendation. And there’s only one professor I feel comfortable asking and I asked him for a recommendation just a month ago, and I feel like I just keep bothering him (he doesn’t even teach at my school anymore!). I know he told me he’s happy to make recommendations for me and he probably doesn’t mind but I still feel like a pain in the ass and like I owe him and can never pay him back. And then if I fuck up, I’ve also bothered him for nothing.
Ugh. I just need to get over it and do it. Because this is so much better than a retail job will ever be. Because I can’t afford to turn away from opportunity. Because I need to be ruthless and go get what I want if I want to make it in the real world. I must. I just get nervous.
| Posted 2 days ago | 0 notes |
Lemon chicken with sweet potato fries! I have time to actually cook again! (Taken with instagram)
| Posted 3 days ago | 0 notes |
I love this movie so much I want to cry.
| Posted 3 days ago · via imaginasi0n | 1,212 notes |
Gardening Nan year 3! 5 tomato plants 🍅 and a few sunflower plants 🌻 (Taken with instagram)
| Posted 5 days ago | 0 notes |
I hate bad dreams.
| Posted 6 days ago | 0 notes |
There’s a solar eclipse right now and I am so excited right now. I wanted to be an astronomer when I was young. I’ve always wanted to see one, and now I have.
It sounds dumb, but things like this, eclipses and meteor showers, make me feel so energized and full of life and inspired. Like there are bigger things out there. Like everything will be ok in the end.
| Posted 1 week ago | 1 note |
Celebrating the first day of summer with In-n-out 😊 (Taken with instagram)
| Posted 1 week ago | 0 notes |
